The Value of Clicking with Values

by Dr. Rick Kirschner on July 22, 2011

Here’s what we know.  Our values are the most effective guide to setting goals, making decisions, developing plans and taking action in our own lives.  Values give us a guage by which to measure everything that tries to occupy our time, our energy, our mind.

But here’s what you need to know when you want to click with others.  Knowing what others value gives you a point of contact, a platform on which to build, an amazing opportunity for creating a connection and turning it into a relationship!  So it will be time well spent when you learn to understand what exactly values are, why they are so important in our lives, and how to share them with others.

Like Attracted To Like

Once again, we find resonance in play in the making and growing of relationships.  Since the context of marriage is perhaps the most powerful context for growing relationships, we can learn some things by looking at the research into such relationships.

According to the Iowa Marital Assessment Program, “People may be attracted to those who have similar attitudes, values, and beliefs, and even marry them – at least in part – on the basis of this similarity.”  Couples who build their relationships on the common ground of values can survive all kinds of life cycle events, even thrive, in spite of the differences that inevitably arise. If you deem the same things to be the important things in life, your shared values will hold you together when divisions arise or times get tough.

That’s also true for partners and teams.  If you and another person or a group of persons believe or think the same kinds of things and share the same kinds of experiences in the work you do, you can use this to find the leverage to work together and problem solve, and share the positive results and gains after.  The blending made possible by your shared values allows you to work through differences without the differences undermining your work.

What do you value in your work?  In your life?  In your relationships?  What matters most to you?  How do you know when someone shares your values?  Your comments are welcome!

Be well,



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