The Secret To Getting An Emotional Person To Calm Down

by Dr. Rick Kirschner on May 7, 2012

Insider's Guide To The Art of PersuasionFirst, the hard truth:   You simply cannot reason with an upset person.  But did you know that you can get an upset person to become reasonable?  It’s true, and in today’s post, I’ll tell you the secret to doing just that.

Ready?  Here it comes.  CONNECTED LISTENING!   Yep, when you look like, sound  like, and talk like their emotional language makes all the sense in the world, you connect with people in spite of their emotional state.  And  then ask a question, and continue to backtrack and ask another question after that, until you have the who, the what, the where, the when and the how of it, you’ll notice that the upset person calms down.

Why does this work? Because when a person is upset, their brain isn’t connected to their mouth. Instead, their stress is doing all the talking. By listening in a connected way, you use your influence with them to engage them and lead them to finding their brain so they can start making sense.

The takeaway?  Emotional people become more reasonable,  when you listen to them in a connected way.

Got any examples?  Or where you tried something else?  Your feedback and comments below.

Be well,



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