August 17, 2008
In lieu of having shared values with people we seek to work with, lead, manage or persuade, our main vector of approach is through behavioral blending. That’s where we send signals to others that we are on the same side. Since we people are more alike than different anyway, finding common ground ought to be a fairly simple proposition. Yet most people find it incredibly hard to do when their attention is on the differences that divide us one from another. That’s why the idea of blending is to move to common ground as quickly as possible.
Something as seemingly inconsequential as how fast or slow you talk, how loud or quiet you are, how assertive or passive you are, and even whether you’re standing or sitting, can have profoundly powerful effects on people sorting through their differences. They create enough of a connection, enough of a sense of common ground, that you may actually succeed in identifying more meaningful areas of common interest, and even work together for some soon to be agreed upon common good.
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August 10, 2008
Today, I am blogging about need. I don’t actually need to do this. But I want to. Because when it comes to the word need, I have an ironic response to it. I have blogged previously about need as an aspect of communication itself, as it is reflected in the style of a person’s communication. But I also think of a line from the movie Broadcast News, in which Albert Brooke’s character, in a phone call, says to Holly Hunter’s character, “Wouldn’t it be great if desperate and needy were a turn-on?” So when I hear someone telling me about a need, it’s accurate that I experience a bit of inner turning away from it. Turning away is the opposite to my typical response when observing a need, in which case I may feel compelled to respond to it.
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